Who Cares?

The other day I had the opportunity to give my first, real-life pitch to an agent on my completed novel, The Path to Nowhere.  Prior to meeting her, and nearly without any ability to control it, I got nervous.  My heart raced, my palms got sweaty, my brain practically went into total shutdown, and the lunch I’d tried to eat earlier grumbled and churned in my belly.  And I can pretty much guarantee – the first five minutes of my allotted fifteen were a bust.

Later that evening I relayed the events of the day to my husband.  He shook his head. It’s understandable to get nervous, but really that agent, just like the rest of us, gets dressed one leg at a time. She was very kind and very helpful. It was completely unnecessary for me to be so concerned about what she was going to think of me or my project. 

It’s amazing how often I do that to myself – worry about what others think and consequently fall into a nervous frenzy.  And I know I’m not the only one.  Sure, it’s important to present ourselves as professional and on top of our game, and doing so can be stressful, but come on – somewhere along the line we’ve got to believe in our abilities and exude a little confidence! After all, I know I’m a decent writer, my novel is good, and I’m quite confident I didn’t have any leftover food stuck in my teeth or dribbled down the front of my blouse. 

Unfortunately I don’t have any answers to this dilemma.  I wish I could magically eject those nervous feelings and uncertainties from my head, just as I’m sure you wish you could eject them from yours when it happens in your life. And, like it or not most of us do care what others think, especially in situations like that.  But, we are who we are. And in that moment, at that time, honest to goodness confidence and a lot less fear really would have served me better.  It is certainly more beneficial in the long run to simply let down our walls and allow ourselves to be who we are. People will like us or they won’t, and that will be that.  If they don’t we move on. And if they do, well, then they do, and we still move on, just in a different direction.     

So, who cares? I guess we all do, and generally speaking we should – but not to the point where we potentially sabotage the possibility of a relationship, professional or otherwise.  And for me? At least I now have that first pitch over with. And next time hopefully I will be more capable of staving off those ‘who cares’ nerves. Best of luck to us all!