You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me! Part Two

Whatever happened to the saying we were taught as kids – “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”?  Sure, in real life words can be terribly harmful, but once upon a time, when I was growing up, we knew how to slough them off and not allow them to hit us so personally. I remember a time not so long ago when name calling was cruel and inappropriate, but a person couldn’t get sued for it.  Instead we were taught to rise above that kind of behavior. On one hand we were told to do the right thing and not engage in name calling, and on the other hand we learned to take the high road and realize that the name callers are those with the issues and it was in our benefit to simply ignore them and move on.

Now it’s not even just about name calling.  It’s about labels and skin color and sexual orientation and religious preferences and more.  Personally I get nervous saying anything about anyone for fear of being politically incorrect and hurting someone’s feelings, or possibly getting sued.  If I meet someone with dark skin I don’t know if they prefer to be called African-American, Black, or a person of color, or maybe there’s another term that is not yet in my vocabulary.  So do I just shout out “Hey you!” and hope I don’t get taken to court for that one?

I guess I’m just having a hard time understanding why we’ve all become so incredibly sensitive. What good is it serving us in the long run?  Possibly it has to do with lawyers and lawsuits and greed.  I don’t know, but I’m beginning to wonder if I can actually sue the guy at the grocery store for calling me ma’am. I may be over forty and have a few gray hairs, but that word does not aptly describe me!  Suing him won’t help me to love my neighbor, but gosh, perhaps I can cash in on some of whatever the heck it is he has? Everyone else is doing it.

Then again maybe we should simply change every adjective, every descriptor of the English language into a series of words, or a basic phrase that is so carefully worded that it has no chance of hurting the other person’s feelings in any way whatsoever.  Once again www.bored.com has come up with some real winners: 

• Instead of calling Dad bald he should now be called folically independent.
• No longer is the sap next door an alcoholic, he’s an anti-sobriety activist.
• Someone who’s a coward is a person who is challenge challenged.
• A frog, which is a terribly insensitive word, should be called an amphibian American.
• A homeless person is residentially flexible.
• Someone who is incompetent is specially skilled.
• MANkind, HuMAN, and PerSON are Earth Children.
• A poor person is simply economically unprepared.
• Instead of calling someone stupid you should call them differently-brained.
• And for us white people – we really should be considered melanin-impoverished, it’s much kinder.

This really is ridiculous. As a nation this politically correct trend seems to only serve the purpose of pulling us a part. In today’s society I don’t believe that the majority of us are true racists, or really all that anti-anything.  Most of us want to get along, we want to help each other out, and we want to be a part of a community and a country that make us proud.   Maybe it’s time to quit being so sensitive, to buck up, develop a little tougher skin and try to find that place where ‘sticks and stone may break our bones, but words will never hurt us.”

You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me! Part One

There’s a chance that I might be lost.  For some reason I’ve been convinced that the country in which I reside is called America. You know the place?  The great melting pot, the land of the free, the home of the brave, where freedom rings?  Lately, I’ve started to wonder. Maybe we’ve slipped through some kind of worm hole into an alternate universe where this place isn’t the good old USA, but instead is called the Land Of Political Correctness, or the LPC, for those who prefer acronyms.

I know, the two cardinal rules – don’t discuss religion or politics if you want to hold on to your friends. But I’m just not that good at keeping my mouth shut. This political correctness thing has really gone too far. Easter (oh right, now I’m discussing politics and religion), the celebration of the resurrection of Christ, is this Sunday. Many of us associate the holiday not just with church and Jesus and a big old ham dinner, but also with the Easter Bunny, colored eggs, and Easter egg hunts. Even those who aren’t Christian often times have an Easter Bunny. But, I learned something new.  No longer can schools use the word Easter Eggs. The politically correct and currently acceptable term and is Spring Spheres.   You’ve got to be kidding! 

Halloween is now called a Harvest Festival and Christmas is simply referred to as a holiday or a winter celebration. However, kids can make dreidels in school and learn about Hanukkah. They discuss and do activities around Kwanzaa, an African- American holiday, and Ramadan, a Muslim holiday. Store clerks are no longer supposed to say Merry Christmas or Happy Easter. The politically correct term is Happy Holidays or better yet, nothing at all. And now we’re not even supposed to call an Easter Egg an Easter Egg?  Do a search on the origins of it.  You’ll find it has pretty much nothing to do with the Christian Holiday of Easter.

I’m all for tolerance, and I don’t believe that it is our place to judge, but come on, we’ve gone too far. America was built on some very solid principles and we do have something called the Bill of Rights.  We are supposed to be the land of the free, but I’m afraid that we’ve crossed the line. Freedom and tolerance are quickly being tossed out of the window in the name of “political correctness”.   We are losing our cultural identity because we have to recognize and pay heed to every person’s individuality.  That’s a very scary thought, and frankly I’m tired of it.

In order to be a country we must have a solid base in our own culture.  America was once known as the big melting pot, which I always understood to mean a land that valued a mix of religions and beliefs and stood on some basic principles to protect those tenets. Instead of tolerating each other and allowing us to celebrate our culture, however, we are now being told that everything we say and do must fit within what has been deemed as politically correct, or we risk offending someone and the possibility of a lawsuit. This is the promotion of individuality and the separation of our societal norms. It does not bring us together as a nation, but makes us afraid to speak and act and be ourselves.

In regards to Easter, Bored.com has displayed the perfect holiday greeting:  www.bored.com/pcphrases/  Please note, this greeting is for the winter solstice, but I think you can fairly substitute Spring Holiday, or maybe not? Is that politically incorrect?

“Please accept with no obligation,implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious,socially responsible, low stress,non-addictive, gender neutral,celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all …and a fiscally successful,personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year _______, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform,or sexual preference of the wishee. – DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTABILITY – (By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)”

And now I’m heading off to color ‘Spring Spheres’ with my daughter. I wish you all a Happy Easter.  Next week I’ll tackle Part Two of “You’ve Got to be Kidding!”

Spring, Gardens, and Hyper-Intelligent Moles

There’s been a whisper of spring just outside of our back window today.  I knew it would have to show itself eventually.  My trees and rose bushes and various perennials have been slowly but surely sprouting their tiny buds, and today I swear I can almost see them smiling at Mr. Sunshine as he occasionally sticks his face out from behind the clouds. I realize that some may think it odd, but I really enjoy getting outside and sticking my bare hands into the earth.  I love my vegetable garden and I love my flowers.  I even enjoy pulling weeds and trimming bushes.  I don’t like the pests though, and this winter I have been contending with one of my worst enemies – the dreaded and hyper- intelligent mole. 

Yes, the moles that have infested our property are of superior intelligence. There is no doubt that they are running a highly developed and superbly organized covert operation underneath our lawn and spreading out to the far reaches of our five acre woodland.  There is a mastermind, I’m sure, but I’m no fool. Their entire organization is inundated with moles capable of much more than we humans can even come close to imagining.

I know this because I have watched as they’ve taken over our land and rather adeptly avoided any and every trap I’ve laid. There is a headquarters, but they are far to skilled at moving it from hither to yon for me to actually locate and unearth this place.  Clearly this hubbub of intellectual activity is computerized and filled with technology that supersedes anything that I can find in the farm store.  I can easily envision the little moles as they sit in their lab, miniature glasses perched upon their long whiskery snouts, and heartily laugh at my dismal attempts at laying traps.  Oh sure, I’ve followed their trails. I’ve dug my holes. I’ve set my traps. I’ve covered the traps with darkness. But after weeks, no – more like months, I’ve caught nothing. Not one mole.  Every morning I check my trap and they’ve moved locations.  No longer are their nasty little holes on the west side, now they’re on the east, and tomorrow they’ll be someplace else entirely. It’s The Dark Side of The Wind and the Willows (The Wind and the Willows by Kenneth Grahame). Mole and Ratty and Mr. Toad are the evil overlords, and those little rascals are in control.

It’s a game, and I’m their pawn.  Two years ago they based their operation in my vegetable garden. I planted, they destroyed.  This year they are in the yard and all over our pasture. Better than the garden, but still not at all acceptable.  Yes, the war continues and one day I will have my revenge. Those dastardly little pests may be hyper-intelligent, but I am a hearty contender. The roles will be reversed and I will be running the game. They will be my pawns and I will be the master.  

Reading this it might appear as though I’ve gone a little off the deep end, kind of like Bill Murray in Caddyshack perhaps? And maybe I have. Or, maybe that’s yet another part of their plan.  Hmm, one more piece to consider as I wrestle with these creatures, and at the same time look forward to the work that awaits me in my gardens.

Happy planting!

Who Cares?

The other day I had the opportunity to give my first, real-life pitch to an agent on my completed novel, The Path to Nowhere.  Prior to meeting her, and nearly without any ability to control it, I got nervous.  My heart raced, my palms got sweaty, my brain practically went into total shutdown, and the lunch I’d tried to eat earlier grumbled and churned in my belly.  And I can pretty much guarantee – the first five minutes of my allotted fifteen were a bust.

Later that evening I relayed the events of the day to my husband.  He shook his head. It’s understandable to get nervous, but really that agent, just like the rest of us, gets dressed one leg at a time. She was very kind and very helpful. It was completely unnecessary for me to be so concerned about what she was going to think of me or my project. 

It’s amazing how often I do that to myself – worry about what others think and consequently fall into a nervous frenzy.  And I know I’m not the only one.  Sure, it’s important to present ourselves as professional and on top of our game, and doing so can be stressful, but come on – somewhere along the line we’ve got to believe in our abilities and exude a little confidence! After all, I know I’m a decent writer, my novel is good, and I’m quite confident I didn’t have any leftover food stuck in my teeth or dribbled down the front of my blouse. 

Unfortunately I don’t have any answers to this dilemma.  I wish I could magically eject those nervous feelings and uncertainties from my head, just as I’m sure you wish you could eject them from yours when it happens in your life. And, like it or not most of us do care what others think, especially in situations like that.  But, we are who we are. And in that moment, at that time, honest to goodness confidence and a lot less fear really would have served me better.  It is certainly more beneficial in the long run to simply let down our walls and allow ourselves to be who we are. People will like us or they won’t, and that will be that.  If they don’t we move on. And if they do, well, then they do, and we still move on, just in a different direction.     

So, who cares? I guess we all do, and generally speaking we should – but not to the point where we potentially sabotage the possibility of a relationship, professional or otherwise.  And for me? At least I now have that first pitch over with. And next time hopefully I will be more capable of staving off those ‘who cares’ nerves. Best of luck to us all!

Do Not Become Emotional

Emotions can be ridiculously unpredictable. And if you’re like me, it can at times be nearly impossible to stop them from rearing their ugly heads.  Someone you respect speaks a harsh word and the sting of tears hits your eyes before you can move; you notice an elderly couple holding hands in the park and you can’t stop the goofy smile that spreads across your face and the feeling of contentment that rushes over you; you walk down a dark, creepy and unfamiliar alleyway and there’s no possible way to keep the hairs from standing up on the back of your neck or to get your heart to settle down to a semi-normal beat.  Emotions can easily send us reeling out of control, and there are times (okay not in the case of the cute elderly couple) that it would behoove us to settle our emotions prior to reaching the point of total chaos.

I don’t know how many times, especially in business, I’ve heard leaders say “don’t become emotional.”  And they’re right.  When discussing emotions I’m not referring to intuition, I’m talking about that raw uncontrollable urge to react when a problem or even when an excellent opportunity arises.  It’s easy to jump feet first into a chance that’s just presented itself, or spit out the first words that come to mind when confronted with an idiot who is attempting to challenge you on your area of expertise.  I know – been there done both.

Up until just a few years ago I was particularly quick to take the emotional highway. If someone felt I’d wronged them, I was eager to make it right.  When a problem arose at the school I ran I immediately wanted to get out there and fix it.  I knew that working off of emotions was the wrong way to handle situations, but sadly, I was a bit of a slow learner.

Over time I have done much better at applying the lesson of making decisions based on logic and intuition rather than on an emotional response.  The former puts you in control and will get you from point A to point B with a reasonably high success rate, whereas the latter puts your emotions in control and can pretty much get you nowhere, and sometimes even take you backwards.

Those of you who are Star Trek fans, and those of you who particularly connect with Mr. Spock, may not quite understand my regard for intuition.   Intuition has to do with gut feelings, instinct, a sixth sense if you will.  After my emotions settle I’m usually left with two things – the facts and a gut feeling.  When faced with a difficult situation or decision to make, whether it’s an incredible opportunity or a serious problem, I’ve learned to give myself a timeout. Once my emotions have been tamed I study the facts, and then I listen to my gut.  Believe me, I can’t even count the number of times I now wish I would have followed that simple recipe. 

I don’t think it’s plausible to tell someone that they should not become emotional when a situation arises.  Emotions happen, and we often can’t control them.  But do take the time to let them settle, and then look at the facts.  After you’ve studied the facts and you have a good rational grasp of the situation, listen to your inner voice. You’ll know what to do and how to respond. You’ll make better decisions and you won’t have as many regrets. So go ahead, become emotional, but don’t let them take control.  You’re in charge, not those crazy emotions!