I Think I’ll Just Put This Off ‘Til Tomorrow

Procrastination – now there’s a word with which I am all too familiar. The uncanny ability to put tasks off for as long as possible, or in some cases, so long that the task becomes obsolete. I have been known in years past to delay projects, chores, items on my to do list, and so on, until the last second and occasionally until well past the deadline.  And sadly, it’s not a trait of which I am at all proud.  It’s a real struggle, one which I honestly have to consciously work at to overcome.  And, from what I’ve learned, is one of the most irrational character flaws to possess.

In high school and college I was the queen of procrastination. Most assignments back then required a student to read, answer a few questions, write a paper, or study for an exam.  It rarely mattered to me what the task was, I pretty much always delayed it until the last minute.  Then I would stay up all night, or at least until the wee hours of the morning, and complete it.  Fortunately I nearly always received A’s on my work, but unfortunately, that only reinforced my bad habit.  

Then I became a mom.  Babies become toddlers who become school children who become teenagers. Procrastination does not go over well at all with these people.  It doesn’t work to put off the feeding a screaming infant, or to wait until the next day to change a fully soiled diaper. I could not delay taking care of my children, and I still don’t.

Shortly after I had my second child, I helped found and then ran a private school.  Once again, it was not in the school’s best interest, or mine, to put off the many and essential duties associated with the job.  I quickly learned to make a list and one by one scour my way through each item on a daily basis.

Okay, so now I stay home, I’m writing a novel and my days are pretty relaxed.  Procrastination has reared its nasty head.  Most of the items I tend to put off these days are general household chores – ironing, vacuuming, weeding the garden, and often times making a phone call.  As I contemplated my tendency to put off some of these items, I decided to do an experiment. It was simple. I figured I would time how long it actually takes me to do one of these deeds.  I chose emptying the dishwasher and refilling it with any dishes that had been used while it was running.  The task took me all of five minutes!  Wow – and I put this off why?

The funny thing about procrastination, at least for me, is the reality that delaying the chore is actually much worse than simply getting it done.  I know the jobs I need to accomplish in a given day, or week, or whatever.  And the more I put them off, the heavier they begin to weigh on me.  But if I simply make my mind up to run through each task, as my experiment proved, they tend to get done rather quickly.  And the end result?  I feel better and lighter, and more often than not, I have more time to do other things.

An irrational character flaw?  Indeed. It makes absolutely no sense to put things off.  So I will continue to write my list, and make a concerted effort to get off my rear end and do the deeds that need to get done.  In fact, now that I think about it, I’ve got a number of chores on my list for today. I guess I’d better stop dragging my feet, and get a move on them.

To Do Or Not To Do

The other day I told my husband that I’ve decided it’s time to drop a few pounds, or at least make an attempt at eating more healthy foods and less carbohydrates.  Not to be outdone, he jumped right on the bandwagon and eagerly decided to join me in my quest for a slimmer physique.  Because he is a planner, a guy who really likes to know what’s ahead of him, we had to have a rather in depth discussion about how this weight reduction process was going to unfold.  I quickly explained my plan – no pressure, make better food choices, continue to exercise, and see how I feel in a month or so – not his idea of a motivating diet strategy. 

My husband is primarily motivated by goal setting and sometimes I think by the fear of failure. For the most part both of those approaches work for me as well.  But when it comes to dieting, I’ve learned that goal setting can be completely self deflating, and the fear of failure becomes more of a self-prophecy than a motivator. Years ago when he and I would make a joint decision to lose a few pounds, he always wanted to make it into a competition, and I always lost.  We’d set our goals, we would each take off from the starting line eager to be the first to reach the end, and I swear he would reach his final destination days or even weeks ahead of me.  The entire process resulted in a complete lack of motivation on my part, which was a real bummer, because usually I’m a fairly highly motivated individual.

Over the years I’ve come to believe that motivation comes in many shapes and sizes, and mostly has to do with having a positive mindset. The majority of us develop our own personal arsenal of self-motivation tactics that give us the oomph we need when setting out on some project or deed that we need to accomplish. I certainly have ways of psyching myself up, and I’ve learned the hard way that I have to be careful not to allow my brain to go into self-destruct mode when I approach certain tasks – such as losing weight. 

I also believe we develop or discover tactics others can use to help motivate us, and sometimes those strategies vary based on the job we are trying to accomplish. After my husband and I discussed dieting strategies, he began to talk about the need for us to help each other reach our goals.  I therefore asked him what I should do to motivate him.  He quickly responded with the desire for me to tell him when he’s making poor choices and give him a carrot or piece of celery in place of that convenient and tasty handful of chips.  Okay, I figured I could do that.  But, I said, that’s not the kind of motivation I want. I need for him to tell me when I’m doing a good job, and do it sincerely.  He chuckled.   The idea of handing out words of encouragement never even occurred to him.  Of course, he said he could do it, but we both got a good laugh at our differing approaches.  I tend to think everyone needs to get a pat on the back on occasion, and that all of us get a boost of  confidence and a little extra drive when we hear someone tell us we’re doing a good job, as long as it’s genuine.  But, as my husband was quick to point out, that strategy doesn’t necessarily work for all of us.  With regard to dieting, his mind needs something different from mine.

Motivation really is about the mental game.  Whether we are driven by setting a goal, by words of encouragement, or by the fear of failure, for the most part it’s all in the head.  We make motivational choices every day. We get out of bed, go to work, clean the house, take care of the kids, grocery shop, tend the yard, and so on.  And the more we are motivated to get these tasks done, I think the more adeptly we accomplish them. As we dive into these daily activities all of us have the job of motivating ourselves, but it also really does help to have the encouragement of those around us.  If you are working side by side with someone, I recommend you ask them what they need from you in order to be better motivated.  They may just want a few words of encouragement, or they may want you to help redirect them when they begin to veer off course.  No matter what, it seems that most of us will have a better chance of attaining our goals if we are self-motivated, motivated by others, and have a positive mindset. So, here’s to dropping a few pounds, and to a healthier lifestyle!

Way to Go Class of 2010!!

Graduation, from pretty much anything, marks a major milestone of some kind or another. This last weekend my oldest daughter graduated from High School and a friend of mine walked her college commencement as the final note to her Ph.D.   Others recently graduated from preschool, kindergarten, college, trade school, and more.  When it comes down to it a graduation is a rite of passage, a ritual event that provides a display of a person’s progress from one place to another. It’s filled with a variety of emotions and often wrought with numerous words of wisdom.

I have a vague memory of my own high school graduation, and for personal reasons I did not attend my graduation from college or from my master’s program.  I do, however, remember how I felt completing each – enormous pride, a sense of accomplishment, and above all the belief that I could do or be anything.

Over the past couple of weeks I had the opportunity to attend a pre-graduation ceremony, two high school graduations and one baccalaureate.  Between all four there were numerous speeches, the presentation of various awards, music, prayers, and of course the doling out of the actual diplomas.  I heard addresses that encouraged these young adults to venture out into the world and attempt to put others first, to realize that their best days lie before them not behind, to have passion and dedication in the present, and to rise above the worries of the world. Some of the speeches were sprinkled with humor, and some were primarily on the side of typical and droll.  But it didn’t matter.  From my perspective everything I heard was genuine. The teachers, the principals, the board members, the valedictorians – all spoke from the heart and wished the best for the young people to whom they spoke.

And in spite of the hours spent attending these events, the entire experience was fun.  It was fun to watch the students walk down the aisles in their robes and graduation caps.  It was fun to see the few who dared to be different and do a dance across the stage or a back flip once the diploma was in hand.  It was fun to find myself caught up in the excitement that emanated throughout each auditorium and amongst the anxious rumblings of the students. And it was especially fun to view my daughter with her head held high and a beautiful smile strewn across her face as she participated in her high school’s ceremonies and accepted her much earned diploma.

And at the end of it all I once again found myself filled with pride, a sense of accomplishment, and a belief in one’s ability to do or be anything. Each of those young adults should feel good about their personal achievements, and I sincerely hope that they believe in their future. I could not have felt any more proud of my daughter, and the tears that streamed down my cheeks were not just to rue the girl that once was, but to celebrate the young woman that she is becoming. 

Graduation in and of itself is exciting, but honestly, it’s really about the thrill and anticipation of that next step.  Many of those who went through a commencement ceremony this spring won’t remember much of it. They won’t recall the various speeches, they won’t be able to name those who were at the top of their class, and they may have little memory of donning the robe and walking the aisles.  But more than likely they will remember how they felt, and most definitely they will remember their next steps on their life journeys. Whether they chose college, the military, or a job, they are onto a new adventure. Each of them is writing a new chapter to their life and I wish them all the courage to step through the doors that open before them, and the audacity to be passionate, to learn as they go, and to find true joy as they venture through this new phase.

Congratulations Class of 2010!!

Embarrassing Moment Number One

Life is full of embarrassing moments, at least I know mine is.  I think most of us, at one time or another, have been caught out in public with our fly down.  We’ve attended a meeting or talked to a customer with food in our teeth.  We’ve been spied singing at the top of our voice, or worse, checking out a zit on our face in the rearview mirror while driving the car.  I’ve seen people walk around the mall with toilet paper on their shoe, and I’ve seen a woman shop the aisles of the grocery store with the back end of her skirt tucked into her pantyhose. I haven’t done that one, but the other day I did hit a new high (or is it a low).  It occurred two days before my birthday, although I’m pretty sure I can’t really chalk it up to senility. I haven’t been stressed, so there is no blame there. I guess at this point I simply have to admit that it is what it is and sometimes there is no need to analyze the why.

I woke up on Friday morning and immediately my routine was broken.  (Okay, maybe there could be some blame here?)  My kids left a little later than usual and I didn’t have time to do my daily workout. My oldest daughter is graduating from high school this year, and the school had a special ceremony for the senior’s planned for nine thirty that morning.  I wanted to go.  The girls and I sat down for breakfast, and almost immediately my daughter commented on my outfit.  I had on my workout clothes, just in case I decided I had the time.  “You’re not wearing that,” she commented. Of course not, I told her.  I do know how to dress in public.  Then I asked her what time it started.  “You’d better get there at least by nine Mom,” she said.  “Don’t be late.  That would be so embarrassing.” Got it, I thought.  I certainly don’t want to embarrass my eighteen year old daughter!

So, my kids took off for school and I decided I’d better get myself ready to go. I had the ceremony to attend, and then I had a long series of errands to run that day.  In fact, I figured I wouldn’t be home until late in the afternoon.  After a shower and a bowl of cereal I figured I ought to heed my daughter’s instructions and pick out something nice to wear.  I grabbed my best pair of jeans and an attractive blouse, did my hair, threw on some make-up, and got ready to head on out.  No tennis shoes today, I thought. I promptly grabbed a pair of high-heeled boots, slipped them onto my feet, pulled the zippers up and went to the car.

I arrived at the High School plenty early. Whew!  I wasn’t going to embarrass her. The gym had a sparse number of parents inside, and I climbed the bleachers to join them.   It was a nice ceremony and when it was over I climbed back down the bleachers, gave my daughter a hug, and went to my car.  It was time to plow through those errands.

After running around for nearly three hours I had to pause.  My back hurt, my right leg was sore, and for some reason I’d felt like I had been limping all day long.  There had to be something wrong with the heals of my boots. One of them must have broken off.  Standing in the middle of Office Depot I picked the back end of one foot up, and then the other.  Oh for crying out loud, I had to chuckle – I was wearing two completely different boots! 

It was certainly one of the more amusing and inane things I have ever done. After getting a bit of a laugh at my idiocy, I promptly put both feet back on the ground and studied the toes. Okay, both boots were brownish in color and both had square toes.  At a glance, they could be a matched pair. The heal was the give-away.  One boot had a spiked heal, the other a square flatter heal.  And of course, there was nearly an inch difference in height.  I could only take solace in the fact that because I am short, the back end of my jeans nearly touched the floor.  In other words, unless a person looked at my feet as I walked away, they probably never knew.  But I did climb down those bleachers. Sorry kiddo – leave it to Mom to figure out a way to embarrass you anyway. 

Fortunately I did have an old, small pair of tennis shoes in the car which I threw on as soon as I was back outside.  Funny how my aches and pains disappeared once I had on an actual pair of shoes, instead of a mix –matched set!   I still don’t know which was worse though – putting the two different boots on in the first place or running around in them for over four hours before realizing what I had done.  At least it provided some amusement to the day – mine, my husbands and my kids. And now, hopefully it’s provided a little amusement to yours.  Hey – maybe that’s why I did it – to give myself a new topic for my blog!

Ah well. Moral of the story – I don’t know, maybe there aren’t any, or maybe there are two. One – make sure you are wearing a matched pair of shoes before you walk out the door. And two – a little embarrassment won’t hurt you, just laugh it off and move on.  I can, however, tell you one thing, when I go to the main graduation ceremony this weekend, you can be sure I’ll double, no triple check my boots.

What’s For Dinner?

Just about every day my kids and my husband ask me what’s for dinner. Some afternoons I throw them a smug look and rattle off what I hope by supper time will transform itself into a wonderful entrée along with a couple of side dishes that are meant make their mouth’s water.  But mostly I either describe a meal we’ve had time and time again, or I shrug my shoulders and tell them I have no idea.  It’s a never ending question, and a never ending conundrum – What is for dinner?

Believe me I fully understand the importance of the evening meal.  I remember asking my own mother on a daily basis what we were having. It’s the one meal that doesn’t consist of a mere bowl of cereal or a smashed peanut butter sandwich along with a bruised apple. And in our house, supper is the only time of the day when all four of us sit together and share a few minutes of uninterrupted camaraderie.

Fortunately for my family, most of the time I actually like to cook.  Unfortunately for them, there are two or three evenings a week when I have very little of interest in the house to cook, or my brain is completely out of sync with Creative Meal Making 101.  It’s on those days that we get grill cheese and soup, spaghetti, burritos, or worse – leftovers. 

When I worked outside of the house my husband cooked quite a few of our nightly meals.  He did a great job, and he actually taught me an important cooking lesson – don’t be afraid to experiment a little.  Nowadays I step outside of the box on a regular basis. I play around with spices, I add an extra ingredient here or there, and I have to admit we have some pretty decent meals.  All in all it makes me appear not quite so terrible when I do fix a good old standby or leave them on their own because I’m going to be gone for the evening. 

We do, however, have a few favorites, which I think includes only one casserole dish – good old-fashioned tuna. I must admit, to this day I’m baffled by the casserole craze of the 70’s.  I honestly wonder if the people who made those things even liked them. Another meal I make that’s kind of a throw back from the 70’s is a pretty mean meatloaf, something which really astonishes me. I’m pretty sure I won the prize when it came to gagging on that particular dish when I was a kid. I also cook up a rather tasty lasagna, which I don’t think can be classified as a casserole, and I do fairly well at Mexican dishes. Many of my best meals are now cooked on our barbeque though. I also do a few things in the wok, some in the Crock Pot, and every once in awhile throw something in the oven or on the stove.  And I’m always open to a new recipe.

Every once in a while I get aggravated with the ‘what’s for dinner’ question, but I know it’s inevitably going to be asked, and nowadays I try to be prepared with some kind of an answer.  It’s not always the answer they want, but it’s the one they get and usually they more or less accept it.  In fact, they’ll be home shortly, and I suppose it’s time for me to figure it out – What is for dinner?