The other day I told my husband that I’ve decided it’s time to drop a few pounds, or at least make an attempt at eating more healthy foods and less carbohydrates. Not to be outdone, he jumped right on the bandwagon and eagerly decided to join me in my quest for a slimmer physique. Because he is a planner, a guy who really likes to know what’s ahead of him, we had to have a rather in depth discussion about how this weight reduction process was going to unfold. I quickly explained my plan – no pressure, make better food choices, continue to exercise, and see how I feel in a month or so – not his idea of a motivating diet strategy.
My husband is primarily motivated by goal setting and sometimes I think by the fear of failure. For the most part both of those approaches work for me as well. But when it comes to dieting, I’ve learned that goal setting can be completely self deflating, and the fear of failure becomes more of a self-prophecy than a motivator. Years ago when he and I would make a joint decision to lose a few pounds, he always wanted to make it into a competition, and I always lost. We’d set our goals, we would each take off from the starting line eager to be the first to reach the end, and I swear he would reach his final destination days or even weeks ahead of me. The entire process resulted in a complete lack of motivation on my part, which was a real bummer, because usually I’m a fairly highly motivated individual.
Over the years I’ve come to believe that motivation comes in many shapes and sizes, and mostly has to do with having a positive mindset. The majority of us develop our own personal arsenal of self-motivation tactics that give us the oomph we need when setting out on some project or deed that we need to accomplish. I certainly have ways of psyching myself up, and I’ve learned the hard way that I have to be careful not to allow my brain to go into self-destruct mode when I approach certain tasks – such as losing weight.
I also believe we develop or discover tactics others can use to help motivate us, and sometimes those strategies vary based on the job we are trying to accomplish. After my husband and I discussed dieting strategies, he began to talk about the need for us to help each other reach our goals. I therefore asked him what I should do to motivate him. He quickly responded with the desire for me to tell him when he’s making poor choices and give him a carrot or piece of celery in place of that convenient and tasty handful of chips. Okay, I figured I could do that. But, I said, that’s not the kind of motivation I want. I need for him to tell me when I’m doing a good job, and do it sincerely. He chuckled. The idea of handing out words of encouragement never even occurred to him. Of course, he said he could do it, but we both got a good laugh at our differing approaches. I tend to think everyone needs to get a pat on the back on occasion, and that all of us get a boost of confidence and a little extra drive when we hear someone tell us we’re doing a good job, as long as it’s genuine. But, as my husband was quick to point out, that strategy doesn’t necessarily work for all of us. With regard to dieting, his mind needs something different from mine.
Motivation really is about the mental game. Whether we are driven by setting a goal, by words of encouragement, or by the fear of failure, for the most part it’s all in the head. We make motivational choices every day. We get out of bed, go to work, clean the house, take care of the kids, grocery shop, tend the yard, and so on. And the more we are motivated to get these tasks done, I think the more adeptly we accomplish them. As we dive into these daily activities all of us have the job of motivating ourselves, but it also really does help to have the encouragement of those around us. If you are working side by side with someone, I recommend you ask them what they need from you in order to be better motivated. They may just want a few words of encouragement, or they may want you to help redirect them when they begin to veer off course. No matter what, it seems that most of us will have a better chance of attaining our goals if we are self-motivated, motivated by others, and have a positive mindset. So, here’s to dropping a few pounds, and to a healthier lifestyle!
Shelley's Sagacious Slants 