I Really Do Know A Lot!

It’s really amazing how much I know. I know that there are times when I should keep my mouth shut. I know that other occasions exist when I should speak. I know that it’s never a good idea to assume anything. I often know when I’m about to make a big mistake. I know some things are better left until morning. And I generally know when I should make a left rather than a right. I know a lot. But even more amazing than how much I know is the fact that in spite of all of this grand knowledge, I find myself all too often tossing my intellect aside for some mysterious purpose that escapes me every single time.

A few months back our wine making group embarked on our second year of vinification.  We acquired several totes which were made up of pinot noir, pinot gris, and zinfandel grapes.  After hours of sorting and stemming and crushing and pressing, we had gallon upon gallon of wine.  Some went into large vats, some into food grade garbage can type containers, and some into five gallon glass carboys.  Due to the cold weather, we decided to move the carboys into a warmer environment, which consisted of a room about 300 feet away.  So here’s the deal. A glass carboy stands about 22 inches tall, and filled with wine weighs a good 60 pounds. Mix that with a 61 inch tall female who weighs slightly more than twice the carboy plus condensation plus a couple of glasses of wine plus a long day and the energy already expended to carry one carboy successfully to the new location – and what do you get?  The knowledge that the second carboy should have been carried by someone other than that female. I knew it the second I picked up those five gallons of pinot noir.  But I tossed away that knowledge like a used piece of tissue paper. And instead I carried the carboy the entire 300 feet and then proceeded to drop it onto a concrete floor at the end of my journey where it shattered into hundreds of pieces and wine flowed like water gushing from a broken dam.  All of that knowledge, but none of it put to good use.

I can’t even count the number of times that I have ‘known’ better, and proceeded to proclaim that knowledge after the fact.  It’s like knowing that if you run your finger down the sharp edge of a knife you are going to get cut. But something inside of you, some inexplicable inane power, causes you to discard that data and do it anyway.  Seconds later blood gushes from the opening in your skin and you shake your head and proclaim, “I just knew I was going to do that.”

Several years ago we took our family to Europe. The trip was amazing. Switzerland, Italy, Slovenia, Croatia, Austria, and Germany all made our list of must sees. We rented a car in nearly every country and I became our designated driver. On the middle section of our trip we rented a cute little thing in Slovenia and drove to Croatia where we stayed for three days. On the second day we drove south to Pula to check out the ancient Roman amphitheater. After finding our destination I parked the car, only as I pulled it into the slot I bumped the vehicle behind me. The cars were both fine, but the incident caused my husband and me to share a few choice words.  Angry, I locked the car, grabbed our backpack with our cameras, but did not put the keys in a secure location. And I knew better. We proceeded with our tour and when we finished the keys had disappeared. Thanks to the incredibly gracious people of Croatia and Slovenia a new set of keys were hand delivered to us nearly five hours later.  What in the world had gotten into me? To throw away my knowledge about walking around with a set of car keys in my hand made no sense whatsoever, but I did it anyway! Thank goodness my family loves me, and although they don’t easily forget, they do forgive!!

The whole thing is crazy. It blows my mind the number of things I could accomplish if only I actually used the knowledge I have. And I’m not the only one who is so full of all kinds of smart thoughts but for whatever reason opts not to use them. I’ve heard nearly all of my friends and family members proclaim their infinite wisdom after the fact. We’ve all expressed the same phrases. “I knew better.” “I knew that was going to happen.” “I know I should never have done that.” “I had a feeling.” And so on.

I guess we all know a lot… it’s just that darn application part that gets in the way!

 

I Think It Was My Turn

Laughter really is good medicine.  It’s supposed to reduce pain, help decrease stress, provide strength to your relationships, assist with a healthy heart, and much more. To laugh truly helps create an all around healthier individual.  And believe me, all of this is really good, because our family and most of those with whom I spend time, tend to find humor in pretty much everything. In fact, for some strange reason many of the get-togethers I go to end up with someone in attendance who generally goes above and beyond and provides the group with an extra plus dose of comedic entertainment. Sometimes it’s a random someone, and sometimes it winds up being either my husband or me.

Generally that extra bit of memorable humor is a result of some kind of verbal spewage.  The cutest of course comes from little kids, who say random comments similar to these quotes that I pulled off of TheDadJam.com.

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

Those, of course are cute and funny little quips, especially if they happen in real time and they’re your own kids. But, those amusing and often more memorable moments aren’t always a result of a humorous comment and aren’t always from young children. Quite often the best and most talked about entertainment comes from adults making an attempt to do something that maybe they shouldn’t.

For example about a year and a half ago we held our ski patrol banquet at our home.  We live on several acres of land and have a very small pond in our backyard.  Of course the entire event was chalk full of fun and laughter, but one gentleman in particular provided us with the best story and most spectacular comedic memory.  As part of the entertainment for our banquet I put together a small treasure hunt. One of the legs included a paddle across our pond in an old rubber kayak.  This particular patroller stands nearly six feet six inches tall and must weigh at least 240 pounds. His trek across our pond started with a flying belly flop from a good ten feet above the water’s edge into the kayak. The impact not only drenched him, but also zipped him straight across the pond where he proceeded to fall into the cold murky water. The event has gone down as one of the most magnificent and humorous feats in our history. Those who were there will be chuckling about it for years to come.

The Canoe

Unfortunately this past weekend the job of providing that ‘extra touch’ in a group gathering fell to me.  Thanks to a friend of mine, and a fellow ski patroller, a group of us have embarked on our second year of wine making.  The day began early with cleaning and sanitizing equipment and prepping our shop for the stemming and crushing of grapes. By 11 a.m. we were well underway. By the end we had bottled last year’s batch of Pinot Noir, made five gallons of cider, stemmed and vatted nearly 100 pounds of Zinfandel, stemmed and vatted over 1100 pounds of new Pinot Noir, and stemmed and then crushed and vatted an additional 1100 plus pounds of Pinot Gris.  By midnight, those of us who were still standing set about crushing the final bit of white.

This is the grape stemmer. I couldn't find a picture of the crusher.

As my husband explained later, due to my short stature and rather aggressive nature I apparently have a unique way of strong-arming the crusher – a way that in and of itself provides a great deal of amusement to any spectator. So, to the group’s insistence I agreed to make the final few pulls.  The concrete floor was sated with juice and dirt and water and grape parts and who knows what else.  I attempted to use the side of the barn to stabilize my feet, and as I pulled everyone laughed and cheered. And then I was on the floor. On the fifth or sixth pull the metal lever came out of the crusher, my feet flew up into the air, and my body projected itself a good eight feet backwards. In the end I landed flat on my backside in all of the muck.  Gee, too bad no one had a video camera rolling. In spite of my goal, I did go above and beyond and added that extra plus dose of comedic entertainment.

I supposed most all of us do something similar at one time or another. And what the heck! Laughter is the best medicine – whether that entertainment is provided by someone else or by ourselves doesn’t matter. It’s simply good to laugh.